Thursday, April 29, 2021

The Forest


 Today is the last day of my maternity leave and my baby is in daycare so I took a drive to Jerusalem. On the drive I took in the sights, the forested hills on the outskirts of Jerusalem, David’s Harp bridge, all the Jerusalem stone. The sights reminded me to not forget the forest while bogged down in the trees. 


When you’re a working mom of three, there are a lot of trees. Work, the house, every kid comes with their own mini forest of trees. Fevers, teething, potty training, social anxiety, trouble with boundaries. Cleaning, cooking, doctors appointments, errands. With all those trees it’s easy to forget the forest. That we as a nation have come home after 2000 years of exile. That I was able to do that on a micro level and make the choice to come home. That my daughters will never have to make that difficult choice, that they were born in their homeland and are growing up among their people. 


Sunday I go back to work. These past 7 months my trees have been entirely focused on my home and family and now I need to readjust to adding work trees. I’ve naturally been apprehensive about this change. Today’s reminder of the forest was an important one, a gift from my homeland that is always giving. The coming days will be full of many trees, many of which will be challenging and difficult. I will do my best on those days to remember the forest and how blessed I am to be living in it.





Thursday, February 11, 2021

Lockdown

 I can't do this anymore.

Five weeks in and I've reached my limit. 

I have zero patience, I can't keep going, I can't do this anymore. 

The fights to get on zoom, the fights to get dressed, to clean up, to just LISTEN!

Being home with them any longer is impossible. 

But on the other hand...sending them back to gan…

With numbers so high, with kids who can't get vaccinated, with gannenot who maybe won't (this is speculation, I know much of the staff is vaccinated, I just haven't received an answer about all the staff).

Sending them back to gan to struggle to readjust only to be taken out for the next lockdown, to get stuck in bidud, to get sick?

I am stuck between a rock and a hard place. Between protecting our physical health and maintaining our mental health. 

I do not know what to prioritize and am paralyzed by fear. 

All I know is I can't do this anymore.