My Leap of Faith

 I’ve been thinking a lot since October 7. Questioning. As I watch my children run in and out of bomb shelters and tell me about the bad guys that want to kill us. As my husband served nearly 300 days in miluim.  As our brothers and sisters sacrifice their lives to keep us safe. Did I make the right choice? Moving here, making a family here. My children could be living bomb shelter free lives if I stayed in America. They wouldn’t need to be grappling with existential threats. Their father wouldn’t walk away in uniform, not knowing when he’d be back. I’ve been thinking and questioning without finding any real answers. 

A couple weeks into this newest Iran war I looked at Yedidya and asked if we should leave, not really meaning it, but feeling it was a disservice to my children to not express the option out loud. Should we leave? He shook his head and held my hand and told me we shouldn’t. I nodded. He must be right. He is right…right?

Over Pesach I listened as my girls sang along in fluent Hebrew to Ishai Ribo and Anna Zack and smiled. My heart warmed and I remembered. I remembered the beauty of raising children here in their homeland among their people. We watched The Prince of Egypt and I teared up as Tzipporah told Moshe to look at his people, they are free. And as Miriam sang that there are miracles, when you believe. 

I think I found my answer. Like many big decisions in life, making aliyah is taking a leap of faith. At 19 I jumped into the unknown- thinking my biggest challenges would be learning the language and navigating the culture gap. Believing it would be hard, but I would be all right. Wars and bomb shelters didn’t cross my mind. Let alone attempting to raise anxious children through wars. But the same principle applies. I choose to believe that even though it is hard, we will be all right. I choose to believe that this is the best place to raise my family, in their homeland, among their people. I put my faith in G-d that there will be miracles as I believe. I didn’t just take a leap of faith 15 years ago. I take it every day. I will keep taking it every day. And in the hard moments I will wait for the miracles, because I believe.